I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
