I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize