The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
