im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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