Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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