Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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