is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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