I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
