Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
