May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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