literally had 100 drinks last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
