i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
