is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
