we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
