I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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