Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
