I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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