I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
