how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
