All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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