FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
