I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize