I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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