I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
