My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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