it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
