go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Little spoons don't ask big questions
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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