i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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