My nipple is on Facebook.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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