i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was CRYING into my vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
