Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
