you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
