Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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