i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
