you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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