Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize