Banned from zoo.
Again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
