Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
