one might say we're banned from that church
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
