When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
