Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
