I faked an abortion last night.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
