He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
