whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
