the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize