i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
