I feel great
I just peed on a car
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize