fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
