i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
