The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize