My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
