I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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