HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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