Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
