dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
