We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
