I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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