So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
