Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
