You just made me feel so damn special
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
