I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
