Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
