Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will be naked everywhere
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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