So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
