he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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