wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
