peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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