and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize