Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
