At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
