Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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